Midnight Prayers

If I should die before I wake
I pray then Lord to take it away
heartbreak from loving
lying, the past, my destruction
and the wake in it's path

Our father who art in heaven
please hear my call
As I lay down to sleep
please wake me in the morning
so I can wake up inside

Don't strike me for not believing
Don't smite me for what I said
Forsake me not for now I see
Where you've been inside of me
Under the rubble, broken pieces, and ash
Somehow you survived the crash

And even when I prayed so long and hard
all through the night
you still didn't show
or say "I'm here"
so do not forsake me
just grant me this one wish
that when I lay me down to sleep
and pray for my soul to keep
that if I die before I wake
please
if even for a minute
take it away

Fall

New begginning
as my happy dwindles down
everything changes
even the leaves on the tree
they grow and bloom
in a wonderful floresence
will I be as beautiful
or will I crumble and fall as all of them
eventually do

Summer

Free flying high
like the beautiful birds in the sky
without a care in the world
because it lays in my hand
like a shining pearl
from much work by the clam
I'm never going back
it might be HOT
but I'm cool
no more sitting or waiting
I can be who I want
no debating
just do because I can
who knew life could be so rich
this is awesome I have bliss
love is at the height
so I'll kiss you with all my might
who knows how long it'll last
be happy with what I've got
this is summer not my past

Spring

Sunny skies spring to life as the sun saunters along
awakening dormant to-do's
semi-solid soil supports sunflowers
lilacs, lilies and love
love that floats in the air
like little bubbles lifting spirits
warm rain falls in fat drops
but in this season I do not mind
because in this season I don't mind much
I'm happy having nothing
just waiting with anticipating buzz

Winter

Dying time
cold air creeping through uncomfortable coats
wind whipping wildly wheezing wearily at closed windows
rosy fingertips wilt numb and blue
slush controls the ground
as ice falls from the sky
bleak, frozen tundra
stretches as far as the eye can see
hearts hungry for heat
because the cold continues to seep
it dominates everything
as we walk home with dead pan faces
which we cannot feel
all we do is lift heavy feet
trying to get to save heavens
where heaves of heavenly food awaits

Renga verses

* ok you're probably thinking: wtf what's a renga? >.< well calm down and I'll tell you ^_^" ok now: renga is a collabrative japanese poem and i'm not going to go into details but my class is writing one and the lines all have to have a specific number of syllables and it has to be about a season. kk? ^ _^ *

winter:

fresh little white flakes
dotting the black velvet sky
just like bright diamonds

spring:

new found sun appears
teardrops and fat rain mixes
beautiful rainbow

sun:

a bright sun burning
all my fears and worries
I am free to love

fall:

cool breeze blows away
my past and previous faults
new beginning waits

Corny

you had me at
"hello"
such a corny line
i refuse
there's no excuse
to say such a thing to me
though insignificant
through coincidence
i would find
it happened in real life
i must impend
there is no end
to my curiousity
of why you would use such a line on me
could it be that
you're true and blue
and you mean the corny things you say
could it be that
i feel it too
though i'm scared to trust if i'll be ok
i don't know what's in store
or what this world will hold
but truth be told
i see our futures unfold
the moment you said
"hello"

Undecided

mixed emotions
stop
the moment i see your face
confused thoughts
dissolve
whenever you're on my mind
you give me what i've needed
clarity
i look so confident
in my decision
in my deception
i gave it all up for you
but does that mean
i can't want it back
it's just my luck
it's always been my luck
you find good in my broken
i find you like a moth to light
clinging to what will kill me
we're a sad kind of happy
but it seems i can't stay away
even though with him
i feel the same way

Leaving

Swirling black clouds
Above my grey world
Suck my strength
Fear of damnation
rejection
resentment
tired of living regret
lost in lonliness
did I send a beacon
why did you come
what did you think this would be
look at me
no one buys the busted tv
in the far, dusty corner
of the junk store
used and broken
nothing but a token
how long did you think this would last
it's fun when we're free
where we don't have to be
it's not so cool
when I'm begging you please
wish we had happy love
the kind in the books
for kids like we used to be
what am i supposed to do
with out you
what should i do with this love
this love i can't push away
love that is not certain
it all depends
when love isn't love
is this how it ends

free write

My belt was too tight. I had to put my belt on too tight because we were finally going to the fair. I was visiting my YaYa and my brother in Chicago for the summer. All of my begging had paid off and I would finally get to ride the Viking. It was this little rollercoaster in the shape of a boat that moved back and forth until it went all the way upside down! Just thinking about it I still feel the challenge from it. I would be a big kid if I could ride it. I could do anything if I could ride it. My brother and I couldn't stop babbling in the back seat for the whole way there. "What are you gonna do?" "I'm getting on the Viking! Finally!" "Yeah ok that's nice but they have this dinosaur arcade game I'm dying to get to! All my friends said it's the best thing there, beside the cotton candy." "None of your friends have been on the Viking, because all of your friends are wimpy six year olds." "Hey I heard that! Mom!" "What? I didn't even say anything! YaYa he's lying!" "Both of you shut up." Well maybe we talked almost the whole way there."

The fair was the most glorious thing I had ever been to, even though it smelled like old feet. "Eww it smells!" I took a deep breath. The lights on the arcade were dim and flickering, the sound on all of the games was basically feedback and as my brother reported back they were rip offs. Although, I wasn't convinced, I just think he was bad at all of them. But, I only stayed with him until YaYa got back from the bathroom, as soon as she said okay I was gone. The line was immensely long! I couldn't keep still so I kept jumping to see how long I had to wait, the guy ahead of me was about eight feet tall. The lady behind me was not thrilled. "Miss could you stop it?" "I could, but will I? that's the question." She rolled her eyes and my thought was so strong that I almost said it aloud. What was a stiff like her getting on the biggest, coolest, most awesome ride here? I was fourth in line and the ride-worker yelled "I can take two more!" The people in front of me were all together. My hand flew up faster than a smart kid in class with the answer. "That's me! That's me!" I had to jump for the guy to see me. "And me." The lady behind me said in a dim tone. No wonder she was by herself. I climbed into the seat and fastened the loose straps. Ms. Stiffness behind me was now face to face with me because that's how the seats were. "Why are the straps so tight on you? Are you too fat or something?" Respectful little kid wasn't I? "No, it's because I'm an adult and that's who this ride was designed for, not a pesky little kid like you. And f.y.i. they're supposed to be tight so you don't fall out, like a seat belt, or do you ride in a car seat still?" The ride sprang to life before I could show her just how much of a car seat I needed.

My excitement sprang with the ride, though it wasn't as loud, and a huge smile broke through my lips despite Ms. Stiffness. it surged forward, then back and I couldn't help but laugh out loud! It was even more awesome than I thought, I kept getting that weightless feeling that came with my stomach flipping. I was glad I didn't have one the hot dogs. Near the end it went upside down. That was supposed to be the best part but I wasn't big enough for the ride, just like Ms. Stiffness said. So my small frame started to slide out of the belt. I SCREAMED to the top of my lungs. Ms. stiffness had to comment, "It's not that scary." I don't know how she managed it but she sounded condescending even in mid-air. I thought about never seeing mom again. I thought about her face as YaYa told her what happened, that there was nothing anybody could do. But I could. I could do something before my mom had to get that call. I screamed again. "Stop the ride!" Nothing. My legs were tangled in the belt as we hung upside down, this was the funnest part, they were the only thing keeping me from falling. But of course I couldn't keep still. I kicked and thrashed as a fish out of water. I can't tell you what I saw because I closed my eyes. I was surrounded in total darkness for eight days.

A sort of distant, annoying buzz filled my ears. I could see brightness behind my closed eyes. I wasn't fully awake but alert enough to feel my surroundings. It was very cold. I couldn't speak or really open my eyes, there was a heavy vail on me. It made everything fuzzy and it was hard to lift, and I almost didn't want to. This was peaceful, well not the brightness and buzzing, but the deep sleep I had been in before. For a while I didn't want to wake up. But then I heard my mom's voice. "Baby girl I just want you to know that I love you. You're the most important thing in my life. You're my world, so I need you to wake up okay. I know it's hard but just be strong. I know you ca-" Her voice was cut off with choking sobs. I couldn't put the pieces together. The vail was in the way. I couldn't think strait but I knew that she had to know I love her too. Speaking was hard. My throat hurt. It was dry. I opened my heavy eyelids. Her face was tear-stained and she looked tired. The big, bright lights behind her were making the buzzing sound. And I could hear a faint beeping. Speaking was hard, like trying to drag through wet sand. "I love you too." I finally said. Her head jerked up. "Snow, Snow are you awake?" I nodded.

Birds and Bees

Why do we talk about
birds and bees
when they are complete opposites
a bird can sit in a nest
only to worry about
twigs and berries
a bird can sit in a nest
just to sit there and look pretty
and sing a beautiful song
how can that be a
relationship
when a bee flies busily
buzzing ugily
with a million things to do
a bee flies busily
it can't worry about how it looks
because there is work to be done
how can they
fit
when a bird is big
a bird is seen
and it
crushes
the lowly bee

Where I'm From

I'm from a small country town
bare feet playing outside
long grass and hot summers
sweet air conditioning inside
until we run to the sound
of the ice cream man

I'm from "where's daddy?'
and "I don't know but David's here."
from we have to move again
leaving all my friends
from "do good in school
so you won't end up like me."

I'm from slow cooked colla greens
corn on the cob
greasy fried chicken
Nanner's macaroni
Ramen noodles cooked just right
frosted flakes unaccepted without
bananas and purple grapes
sweet swedish fish
and oreos with milk

I'm from cheap cable
watching Dexter's Lab
Power Puff Girls
Power Rangers and Doug
listening to the Backstreet Boys
lil' Bow Wow was my man!
because "I think about you all the time
to the point that I just wanna take you home"

I'm from
funny accents
and country quiet
a disfunctional family
letting the good times roll
in a kid's care-free world

Unattainable

When I jumped from the highest cliff
My wings couldn't hold me up
They flap quickly but to no avail
My gentle hands claw savagely at the air
I can feel the rejection burning
Brighter than the heavenly glow in your eyes
Please catch me
Please hold me tight
because when I'm in your presence
I feel that impossible flight
Please save me
From this empty space
You are exactly what I've needed
Weight for my eyelids
Finally an end to sleepless nights
Bandage for my wounds
Please fly with me
So I can stand beside you
Where are hearts will dance forever
Please lift this gravity
Please close this distance
Please love me

Loving Dagger

*this piece is something my class does every friday. we look at a picture from an old police gazette and write a piece on what we see, what the situation is etc. the picture in this one was a woman in the middle of a crowd with two soldiers standing behind her as she kisses a dagger. please enjoy ^_^

The very soldiers that in days past were marching beside my sweet darling stand behind me now. They hold their bayonets with cold, sharp and skilled intensity radiating off them in waves stronger than the shots from those same weapons. But, eventually, they fade away. Waiting in my last hour makes each second drag in the ironic illusion that I have all the time in the world. But in reality I don't even have minutes to live, nor do I have the strength to stand in the defiant end I thought it would be. My legs give out. I am on the cold, crumbling, unforgiving ground clutching my husband's lowly dagger. The only thing remaining of him and all our work. The rest, he included, were burned and buried. I tried to run, as we always did, but the "soldiers" caught me. The ungrateful robots hurt no hair on my head. For unmentionable prices, they told me they would let me go, out of the "kindness of
their hearts." My answer is stated in this position in which I kneel, death advancing. I let no tears fall because I have none
left, I kiss the last token of my beloved and I look into the faces of each soldier, ready for death, the fate of a criminal, of a
rogue soldier, of an idealist, of a dreamer.

*I would like to expand on this story but it would be very helpful if I had some help. It's kind of obvious that I have to expand on what happened before this scene but I'm kind of stuck in that department. Sorry to give you the ending scene in the story w/o like any other explanation but I just wrote about the picture!

Sour Rain

*this is what my class calls SURPRISE writing. when you describe a word with another word that is usually never associated with the first word. mine were sour and rain*

Sour rain
Dripping from above
Tangible smell
Burning
Acidic
Neon
On my skin
Hot
Green
Orange
Yellow
Red
Spoiled drops
Rotten dribble
Horrid trickle
Dangerous
Inconcievable
Dehydrating
Suicidal water

Trapped

ok i've had this one verse from this poem forever but i can't finish it. -___-* i honestly don't know how! suggestions, help, comments, or verses (that you will of course get credit for) are MUCH appreciated!!!

Water
Water everywhere
But not a drop to drink
Inside there's a thirst so loud
You can hardly even think
You need it, you want it
You want it, you need
All the world around you
Moves at such an awesome speed
The ground is unearthing
The sky begins to fall
With all of your heart
You don't wnt to need at all
But it calls to you, it sings
It soothes your weary heart
This end is just the beginning
But the beginning your new start

HoneyChild

In the way I walk
How my thick hips sway
And my big lips say
"Excuse me"
To that plain, white sugar

In the way I act
How I fill up a room
'Cause everyone knows soon
The gossip I got about her sister

In the way I love
How I give it my all
And the sound of my call
For his caramel to dance with me

In everything I do
I am Honey

In being a woman
I get lost
In daydreams where I used to be
Beautiful
Was life and the youth all around me

In finding the future
I am blind
Because the past is all I see
Now that my tears have dried

In my now
I am a Child

In being beautiful
From past uglies
I am HoneyChild

Scribbles

 When I was three, I couldn’t write a word. It was all scribbling. One day my dad sat me down and said “No child of mine is gonna be called stupid, so by the time I leave this room, you’re gonna be able to write.” We worked for two hours, but when he left, fists tight and tongue loose, I still couldn’t write, just scribble.

It’s not that I was opposed to writing; in fact, I wanted to prove to him that I could. That want grew and morphed over time into a hideous need. When I was eight, he put me in a ‘special’ school. But I honestly didn’t need it. I understood it all, but when I wrote it all came out as simple scribbles.

“On the first day of ‘special’ school the teacher, Mrs. McFadden, pulled me aside and asked if I knew calligraphy. “You are smart,” She told me. “And we both know it. I don’t know why but there is just a miscommunication in your brain. You don’t know the language of print.” I was amazed. “Is there a different way to write?” I asked, hope clearly painted in my voice. “Yes, it’s called calligraphy and it’s a complicated, artistic form of scribble.” My eyebrow rose. “You know it’s a good thing you’re in a special school because you’re crazy.” I told her. She laughed heartily making her glasses fall even further down her nose and strands of her chaotic hair fall into her small eyes. She looked crazy.

“Why are you laughing?” “Because,” She gasped between laughs. “You’re halfway there yourself.” I waited for her to turn back to the almost-sanity she appeared to have before. “In order to learn calligraphy, you have to basically forget how to print. Calligraphy is like a different language because the flow, vibe, and letters are almost opposite of printing. That’s why people say it’s for the gifted, if you can master it you are a real genius. But, to already have a preference to it at eight years old is, well I would have to say that you are a born writer.”

The ridiculous nature of her speech made me want to break into crazy laughter just like her, but the serious look on her face brought on the unmistakable trepidation one feels in the presence of true crazy. I wanted to write, for reasons I couldn’t even remember anymore but having all that I wanted right in front of me, it frightened and repulsed me. “Fine.” I forced myself to say. “I’ll do it.” “Great!” She exclaimed frantically, busying herself with fetching papers.

Even though she was only twenty, Mrs. McFadden had curly white hair. Everyday, she would string it up into a bun so messy that several strands fell onto her face and neck. Like everything else about her, it perplexed me. “Why do you have white hair?” She snorted. “Well, I don’t know. It’s been like this for a while, the doctors say I have lots of things that are messed up but, frankly, I don’t see it.” Before I had time to respond, she began the first lesson.

“Alright, we’ll learn the letters M-Z then A-L so let’s get started with M since it’s first.” “I thought A was the first letter of the alphabet.” She laughed a shorter version of her ridiculous laugh, this time causing the strap of her shirt to fall slightly. It must have simply been uncomfortable because she had on a red t-shirt on underneath the green undershirt. To compliment that great match, she wore a blue skirt on top of her knee-high shorts that were on top of copper leggings. Instead of pushing up her thick black glasses, she pulls them further down her nose so she had to tilt her head up to look at me. “Why are you laughing now?” “Because,” She replies seriously now, “You’re so crazy.”

She was so weird to look at that my eyes shook, her clothes were so loud that my ears rang, but I was the crazy one? “Anyway, you’re right, the first letter of the alphabet is A but I never said we were starting with the first letter of the alphabet, now did I?” My mouth hung open in an empty response. She was right. “Ok, M it is.” “Great!” She slammed a lined piece of paper on both our desks then silently pulls out two purple feathers. “This is your new writing tool.” She beams as if any of this was completely normal. “Why am I writing with a feather?” “It’s actually a pen, or a quill to be exact.”

I decided to just go with it and watch as her hand moved across the page several times. I memorized the movement “I don’t know…” She shook her head so vigorously that almost half her bun fell out. “Yes, but I do so go ahead and try.” I copied the movements for M and let my eyes hit the floor, certain of failure; certain of scribble. “You did it!” I looked up and laughed as obnoxiously as her. “Really? But that was so easy! That was just… scribble!” She nods rapidly and I turn back to my paper, writing until the weight on my shoulders gradually slipped from me, through the pen and to the paper, so that by the time my page was filled with MMMs I was lighter than air.

Day by day Mrs. McFadden taught me more and more. We moved on to words, starting with “ostentatious” then “aardvark” then “Guam” then finally “cat”. By the end of it all I wrote just to free my stress, even though just two weeks before it was the cause. When I wrote I forgot the world and, in fact, up until now I had completely forgotten what my need to write was about. I had always thought that I was doing it for my father, who looked down on me. I had always thought I was simply trying to live up to his expectations.

But, in truth, I did it for me. The moment when Mrs. McFadden and I started laughing I realized that there was something out there for me. There was an obstacle, a disability, but it didn’t mean I couldn’t do anything or that I was undeserving if I did. I wanted someone to be able to pick up my work and understand, relate, and have on paper the words they couldn’t say. I could say that I realized all my dreams and became a famous writer, but I didn’t, I went on living a normal life, it just happens that my wardrobe got a bit more colorful and my glasses are worn a bit lower.

Sonnet #2

Anticipating buzz, there goes my shawl

Debating the things I know I should

Struggling with what is and isn't good

Loving words to say but can't recall

You know, one little push can change it all 

He's not giving, so, I say "I wish you would"

With those magic words he'll give all he could

I can't think strait when it's my name he calls

Pure ecstacy and I'm its new slave

Make sure I'm quiet so no one knows 

Pleasure bursting through me like a shot gun

No longer describable, wave after wave

Shy before now letting it all expose

Now moving in rhythm we become one

Sonnet #1

Counting the days I've had you makes me proud

And our first sweet kisses in the hallway

Smiling, no reason, then I laugh out loud

Hiding my face from all I can't say

Silly daydreams make it hard to focus

Talking all night learning all about you

We eat away at lonely like locust

So insecure, still unsure how to woo

So fragile, fearful of careless break

Fresh and blinding like layers of onion

Getting in the rhythm of give and take

New hope for when I fall I'll have cushion

Stealing pleasure in the dark like a crime

Scary how close we are in so little time

Welcome!

Hi!

Thanks for viewing my blog, for my first post I'd like to tell you a little about myself. I just moved to Chicago, IL and I love (most of it) so far. I'm a freshman at an arts school, I (of course) write, sing and draw a bit. I love reading and I quite frankly am a nerd in the classroom but everywhere else I'm the total opposite! I'm loud, crazy, fun and slow enough to fall walking up the stairs or on flat ground! I own a small dog that is a ninja when I'm not home, my favorite colors are red, purple and silver, my favorite food is fried rice, I'm blaxican and I love Tinkerbell!!! If you don't already think I'm too bizarre read all my posts and I'll convince you otherwise! : 3